Self Worth and Self Love Are Just Feel Good Ideas?!
Self worth & self love may seem like they are just woo woo, feel good buzz words.
Instead, you think what you really need to be successful, in achieving anything you want in life, is to just the “nuts and bolts”… the “how to”…
Subsequently, you think feeling worthy is secondary… an afterthought. That mindset doesn’t matter and what really counts is knowing the right steps and tactics to reach a goal.
Contrarily, if “nuts and bolts”… “how to” were the key to success, we’d all have the same level of success…
Because in this age of information, and the easy access we all have to it, we can find any “nuts and bolts”… “how to” information we want. However, some people don’t succeed at all and others succeed at varying levels. In fact, some people don’t even make an attempt. So, clearly, nuts and bolts is not the key to success.
For instance, I learned how to change the oil on my Harley by following along with a YouTube video. In similar fashion, my step dad, his neighbor and I also figured out how to change the alternator from another video. Surprisingly, I did tons of projects on my home by using “how to” information I found online. In particular, I did everything from installing tongue and groove flooring, to laying tile, to hanging drywall.
The how to information is all there!
Did I need the “how to” information? Undeniably, I needed to know the nuts and bolts. However, was it the ONLY thing I needed?
No, way! First, I had to believe these were things I was actually capable of. And since I didn’t have experience with any of it, I didn’t know that I was capable. Despite that, I just knew I would figure it out and make it work.
While it’s helpful to know the specific “how to” steps, most people just don’t do them. Why is that? It’s because they have something within that stops them.
What about you?
Do you start, fail once and give up. Or, do you start and if it seems too hard, you give up, believing you “can’t” do it and never give it another shot? Do you keep planning and planning, not feeling “ready”, so you don’t start at all?
You need perseverance and courage to step up & take the actions required to reach your goals. You know you might fail. So, you need to be willing to fail. And, you need to feel worthy enough to fail… then, get back up again and keep going. Because…
You never really fail, unless you quit. So, keep going.
Jen Kunkel
You need to know, on a soul level, that you are worthy of the goal you set. Otherwise, you’ll struggle and spin around in circles… Or the dream will simply spin around in your mind, without you ever taking a single action.
Fear is real. And self worth… knowing your innate, God given value… knowing that you ARE WORTHY is the ultimate cure.
Self worth and self love are critical to giving you the backbone to stand up & live as the real you, to be bold & do hard things that others won’t do, to keep going & try something a new way when your plans don’t work out the way you thought they would. In addition, self worth helps you face haters, who criticize you or people who discourage you, because you’re doing things they won’t. In short, it gives you the inner strength to face whatever obstacles you encounter, so you absolutely will keep going and get what you want… what you deserve. And most importantly, it helps you to enjoy every moment of the journey along the way.
I’m going to show you how to be that bold person who is constantly developing greater self worth every day in this roadmap based on my WILD Worth Method to Live the Juicy, Fulfilling Life You Deserve.
You’ll tap into what you are truly capable of and how to experience an immense amount of inner peace and joy, at every stage of your journey. In other words, you’ll experience true happiness, from within.
There actually are tactics and steps for cultivating your self worth… so, it is true that you need to know “how to” and I’ll share that with you, for free, right in this amazing article.
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How Do You Know If You Have Low Self Worth?
If you’re reading this article now, you probably have some inkling that your self worth could use a boost. If you’re like me, there was a point where you had no clue you felt undeserving or “less than” or not good enough. For me, that was just the way it was.
So, how do you know you actually have low self worth?
Low self worth shows up in real life in many ways.
Following are a few of those ways…
People Pleasing
One way you can tell if you may have low self worth if you feel compelled to please others, afraid to say no or feeling guilty when you do, having difficulty setting and enforcing healthy boundaries. If you’re unsure, this might be happening if you feel people often take advantage of you.
Disrespect and Rude Behavior
Your self esteem might also need a boost if you notice other people disrespect you or treat you badly and you don’t stand up for yourself. You may even find yourself apologizing when it would be more appropriate for the other person to do so. For example, someone bumps into you and you say “I’m sorry”. Some part of you feels as if you aren’t deserving of respect or that you deserve “less” in general.
Working Hard to Prove Yourself
You feel like you’re only worthy if you prove it through your accomplishments… For instance, having an impressive job or career, making lots of money, achieving lofty goals, etc… It’s unsustainable. If your entire sense of worthiness is based on outside influences like this, you’ll have to constantly chase material success to maintain your self worth, rather than having a deep inner knowing that you are worthy, just because.
You’ve Had a Set Back
Even if you’ve had healthy self esteem, something can happen to pull the rug out from under you and damage your self worth. For example, you didn’t accomplish a goal you worked toward, had a breakup or lost a job. If you’re not feeling your normal, worthy self and it lasts more than a few days, you may need to give your sense of worthiness some attention.
Not Taking Care of You
Whether this is due to a set back or it’s a long standing symptom, another way of detecting your self esteem is low is not taking care of yourself. In this case, you’re not taking care of your own needs and may be engaging in unhealthy behaviors. You might feel like you’ve lost your passion for life, lethargic and unmotivated.
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How does self worth affect my “real life”?
Does it really matter how worthy I feel? What does it affect in my day to day life?
The short answer is… Your self worth affects EVERYTHING!!!
Everything in your life comes back to self worth. You have to feel deserving of something to have it… That means get it AND keep it.
Self worth affects everything from happiness to relationships to money and other resources.
When you feel a deep sense of worthiness, just because, you experience the most calming inner peace and true happiness. You know that you are good enough and worthy, even though you are imperfect. Your mere existence is what makes you worthy. You don’t have to work for nor “earn” that worthiness.
If that feels strange, unfamiliar or scary, that’s ok. You’re probably used to putting energy into proving yourself and you don’t know what to do with that energy if you believe (or know) that you are worthy, just as you are.
Have you noticed that when you work very hard for something, you may have a fleeting sense of satisfaction or happiness. And it fades quickly. Then you feel like you have to work for the next thing. True happiness comes from within and it is lasting. It’s not tied to accomplishment.
Your sense of self worth affects and is reflected in all your relationships.
This can show up in many different ways. When you have a deep sense of self worth, you show up as who you really are and are unafraid of what people think.
Have you ever felt like you attract the wrong people into your life? (I used to say I have a bad picker.) For instance, do you notice a pattern of drama, lack of communication, toxic people or people who take advantage of you?
Do you tend to feel insecure, jealous and worried your partner will cheat on you or end the relationship? You might also have similar feelings in other types of relationships… worried that friends don’t really like you or will stop being your friend.
Do you lose yourself in relationships? You go along with one small thing after another and before you know it, you’ve completely compromised who you are.
Money and your financial circumstances are connected to your sense of self worth.
Some people seem to make lots of money with ease, are super organized with their money and seem to be super smart with how to invest, save and spend in the most optimal way.
While others seem to have buckets of money, yet have issues such as feeling guilty about having it or spending it as quickly as it comes in.
Some people are barely getting by and seems to have unexpected expenses come up every time they start catching up… the car breaks down, there’s a medical emergency. etc.
Others are overextended and live far beyond their means to keep up appearances and are constantly stressed about juggling expenses and debt.
You might think you have challenges due to circumstances outside your control or it’s just luck, however when you look deeper and notice patterns, you’ll recognize it all comes down to your subconscious beliefs. It can be complex because you have a combination of limiting and empowering beliefs, some that seem to contradict each other. These beliefs are also linked to your sense of self worth.
I don’t want you to keep suffering, feeling lonely, less than and chasing fleeting happiness.
I promise you, there’s a better way than wasting decades sporadically trying random tactics. It’s time to be smart and intentional, using a comprehensive strategy that simplifies and expedites your path to worthiness. Let me show you how.
Can you really change your self worth?
Is it possible to change how worthy and deserving you feel? Or, is it a built in part of our true nature?
When talking about emotions, we often say things like “go with your heart, not your head”. However, emotions actually originate in the brain. There are certain areas of your brain that influence specific emotions. Neural pathways and complex chemical processes occur in your brain in response to your experiences.
The purpose of these processes is to keep you safe. One mechanism you’ve likely heard of is the fight or flight response. There are many others that I’ll dig into deeper in a future post. For now, just know these mechanisms are actively going on in your brain all the time. Even though they are designed to keep you safe in the moment, some of them can get in your way in the long run.
Rewire Your Brain… Your Subconscious!
The good news is, you can literally rewire your brain, creating new neural pathways and allowing the ones that aren’t serving you to die off.
In fact, this happens automatically on a daily basis… Neural pathways are constantly being created, as we learn new things. And others, fall away as they become dormant from not being used.
A Child’s Brain is More Malleable… But Yours Is Too!
Scientists used to believe your brain couldn’t change like this after a certain age, however they have since been discovered that is not the case. Although brain changes happen more easily at younger ages, older brains can change too!
These brain changes can be consciously influenced, with consistent focus. And, there are specific activities that encourage this neuroplasticity.
- Memory tasks & games, including challenging brain activities such as sudoku or crosswords
- Learning certain things, specifically… how to juggle, a new language, to play a musical instrument or learning about a complex subject in a short period of time.
- Doing yoga and other mild to moderate exercise
- Mindfulness meditation
And, the best part is, when you implement the right process and step-by-step strategy to establish daily habits to cultivate your self worth, you’ll have the tools to design your life exactly the way you want it, at any stage of your life… and enjoy every step of the journey, from beginning to end!
Implement a Simple Daily Self Worth Ritual Today
Ask any highly successful person and I’d bet they will have a consistent morning ritual of some kind. Because if you want to see real results, consistency is key. And, the way you start your morning off will set the tone for your entire day.
Maybe you’re only beginning to realize you want to value yourself more… but you’re not sure where to start.
Or maybe you feel pretty worthy, at least on the surface, and you still don’t have the happiness, inner peace and level of success you’d like to have.
You’ve tried a few things… affirmations, meditation, positive thinking, fake it til you make it… and it doesn’t seem to be making any real difference.
I get it.
If you’re like I was, you probably…
- Feel as if your value is less than that of others.
- Feel sad, for no reason & your feelings are easily hurt, even if you put on a tough front (I did).
- Have been picked on or bullied.
- Get emotionally triggered pretty easily.
Maybe you don’t think in terms of feeling inferior or less than or not good enough. I didn’t. In fact, I didn’t think about it at all. It was such a deep seated belief that, for me, it just was. I didn’t have the words, at the time, for the feeling, because I had felt that way ever since I could remember.
Can you relate?
I avoided anything unfamiliar because the unknown seemed to scary. In hindsight, I think I was afraid of proving to the world that I couldn’t do it and that would be proof that I really wasn’t worthy.
As I started to recognize and nurture my own self worth, I actually had times where I felt even more emotional and would get upset easily… so, if you find that happening, don’t worry… It’s totally normal. You’re shaking things up!
Initially, I stumbled into learning about my real value and self worth. It never occurred to me that I could be intentional about it! So, I wasn’t consistent and I had zero strategy.
I doubted there was anything I could do about my emotions and believed I was at the mercy of other people. Maybe you feel that way too… I see that a lot at the stage right before the potential for massive transformation!
If you’re worried that you’ll stir up more emotion than you can handle or you’ll uncover something deep within you that you’re not ready to deal with, you might just be on the verge of a something life changing… in a good way!
On the other side of that inner turmoil..
There’s a deep sense of inner peace and a new you, that feels more worthy every single day.
There’s a you, that no longer gets emotionally triggered,
that has a clear knowing of who you are and what you stand for.
A you that doesn’t let the thoughts, opinions or actions of others sway you…
A you that stands up for yourself and doesn’t need the approval of anyone else nor to prove anything.
Choose to be happy, rather than chasing happiness in superficial ways.
When I want something, I go after it, often figuring it out as I go… I no longer doubt my ability to do things I’ve never done before and I know I am as deserving as anyone else.
Once I realized the real goal was to cultivate my self worth and I became intentional about doing that, decades of scattered, sporadic results came together into a clear path that I’ve turned into the WILD Worth Method.
And it starts with taking just a few minutes every day to intentionally nurture your self worth…
Let me tell you, if I can do it, so can you!
The key is consistency… You MUST have a strategy that is so simple, you absolutely know you can maintain doing it every single day, without fail. (And, even if you do miss a day or two, it’s super easy to get back on track… let’s be realistic, no need to stress out about being perfect.)
Get a head start and pick up my simple FREE #selflovesecrets guide to 5 essential #morningrituals…
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Enter your name & email for instant access to your FREE guide with 5 simple, powerful exercises to break through hidden limitations.
So, you’re ready to…
Know you are worthy of and deserving of everything your heart desires.
Live life aligned with who you really are, on a soul level.
Finally let go of expectations of others, to shift limiting beliefs and heal past trauma.
But, let’s be honest…
You don’t feel completely worthy right now… so you’re not sure you can do this.
I get it, because I’ve felt that way too.
You know in your heart that God didn’t create you to suffer and you don’t want to continue to feel like you’re a last priority, even to yourself.
And, you crave knowing what true happiness feels like, of experiencing massive inner peace and becoming who your soul wants you to be.
Other people are living lives they love, being bold, happy and authentic. You want that too & if they can have it, why not you?
But… You’ve Been Living This Way So Long
Maybe you’re wondering what would it even look like if you truly felt worthy and started living accordingly?
Change can be scary…
You don’t know what to expect.
You might wonder if you’ll lose people you care about. Will they stick around if you start prioritizing yourself and setting boundaries? Or will you start to outgrow them and no longer have anything in common?
You might worry about how your day to day life will change. Will you find a different job? Move to a new location? Will your entire personality be different?
Here’s the scoop… I HAVE turned my entire life upside-down more than once & changed just about EVERYTHING. BUT… It was only AFTER I started feeling more worthy that I was able to do that. Subsequently, I realized the life I was living was NOT up to the standards of what I really deserved. Then I made a conscious decision to change my life. That is, I only made this huge change AFTER I took a good, deep look at what I truly wanted and who I truly am. That made it NOT so scary… In fact, there’s no way I would have done anything remotely like that BEFORE I developed a sense of self worth that made it possible. And I would not go back and change any one of those decisions. On the contrary, I’d probably make even more of them, more quickly.
Therefore, I want you to stop wasting time fearing change. Let’s dive in…
The First Thing You Need to Nurture Self Worth…
I’m big on setting yourself up for success, so the first thing you need is to commit to establishing a habit of cultivating your self worth.
It’s easier than it sounds and as simple as it was for you to create the habit of brushing your teeth every morning.
Choose a time where you can take 5-10 minutes, every single day, to do ONE activity to cultivate your self worth.
Each day, use one of the tools in this free guide during the time you set aside… To make it even easier, some of these tools can be used WHILE you are brushing your teeth.
Pick up my simple FREE #selflovesecrets guide to 5 essential #morningrituals right here.
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Discover Who are you… truly, on a soul level, as God created you?
Knowing who you are, at your core, is Pillar #1 of The WILD Worth Method… The ‘W’ in WILD is for Who… or your Whole Self.
We all put on masks, so to speak, that cover our true selves. We hold back pieces of ourselves in certain situations to adapt to ‘social norms’. Society has this expectation of conformity and even if you think of yourself as a rebel, you’re probably fitting in somewhere.
Since you were born, you’ve been bombarded with external stimuli that conditioned you into being who you are today. The entire learning process is to observe others and copy what they do.
In all honesty, it seems unlikely most of us will completely eliminate the effect of the world around us, on who we are… and maybe that’s ok, otherwise it would be awfully hard to live in the world.
However, what you can do, is…
Step #1 – Be aware of social conditioning & how it has affected who you think you are.
That includes…
- What others expect of you
- What society expects of you
- Who you think you “should” be
Step #2 – Identify Your Core Values
- What values do you live by?
- Are they really yours or projected on to you by others?
- Are you living in alignment with them?
Step #3 – Sit in Silence
- Meditate / Pray & Ask for guidance
- Then, LISTEN
- All answers are within YOU.
None of this is ‘one and done’. Actually, self discovery is an ongoing, life long process. Don’t let that discourage you though. Instead, consider that maybe it’s what we’re here for and enjoy it!
Create Inspiring Environments YOU Thrive In
Do you ever get frustrated because you feel like you don’t have control over something?
Maybe it’s world events… or traffic… or another person’s behavior.
Yea, I get it. I have a good bit of ‘Type A’ in me and I do prefer to be in control. I’ve learned to let go more & it’s a more peaceful way to be, I can assure you!
Pillar #2 of The WILD Worth Method… the “I” in WILD… is for Inspiring Environments.
To begin with, recognize which aspects of the world you have control over and which you do not. Next, look at ways you can tweak or adjust details in those aspects of the world to support your true soul and to make it easier to reach your goals.
The seven environments I’ve identified are:
- Physical Body: Change up your wardrobe, get some exercise, eat healthier foods, drink more water, etc.
- Physical Space: Get rid of some clutter, buy a piece of art work, move to a new location.
- Social: Meet some new people, stop hanging out with someone who is toxic, etc.
- Emotional: Practice gratitude, journal, etc.
- Spiritual: Meditate or pray, read scriptures, fast, etc.
- Mental / Knowledge: Read, listen to audiobooks, podcasts, etc.
- Discovery: Put yourself into a position to have a new experience, preferably do something outside your comfort zone! (This is my favorite!)
Take action, even gradually, to make those adjustments.
Liberate Limiting Beliefs, Past Baggage & Trauma
Liberating limiting beliefs, past baggage and emotional trauma, is Pillar #3 of The WILD Worth Method… The ‘L’ in WILD is for Liberate!
This pillar is a HUGE piece of the self worth puzzle!
It includes the following steps…
- Self awareness… begin to become more aware of your unconscious beliefs (to make them conscious) and where they come from.
- Release limiting beliefs & form new, empowering beliefs
- Strengthen specific, empowering core principles (personal core strengthening) through daily rituals & other exercises or techniques based on your current needs.
Design Your Extraordinary Life
Pillar #4… the “D”… of the WILD Worth Method is Design… to design the extraordinary life that is in alignment with who you truly are, is limitless & is supported by inspiring environments. As you see, this is where it all comes together.
DOWNLOAD the Free Extraordinary Life Blueprint Template RIGHT HERE
This is where you create a blueprint, with specific details on the life you want to design… and create!
- Step #1 – Meditate on your Vision, both long term & short term. We use 12 years & 12 months as guidelines. Then write it all down on detailed templates to make sure you cover all areas of life.
- Step #2 – Plan: Create a detailed plan, usually for the first 4 specific outcomes you want to focus on for the next 12 weeks.
- Step #3 – Create Momentum with specific, immediate action steps. For each outcome, choose actions you’ll complete in the next 12 days, then the next 12 hours & the next 12 minutes… Then do them! That way you are immediately in action on each goal & that creates momentum.
Get a head start and pick up my simple FREE #selflovesecrets guide to 5 essential #morningrituals…
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So you want to experience true & lasting happiness, immense inner peace and success in every area of life?
I’ve just given you a comprehensive road map of how to do exactly that.
If you are someone who is fed up with feeling like you don’t matter and you are ready to do something about it, you’ll grab this guide, commit to a few minutes every morning and use just ONE tool to create a daily habit and start noticing an increase in your self worth.
Get a head start and pick up my simple FREE #selflovesecrets guide to 5 essential #morningrituals…
Your FREE Self Love Secrets Guide: 5 Essential Morning Rituals for the Juicy Life You Deserve!
Enter your name & email for instant access to your FREE guide with 5 simple, powerful exercises to break through hidden limitations.
Not Ready To Commit To A New Daily Habit?
I know a daily commitment is a big deal, even just a few minutes a day. I also know that making that commitment is the most crucial step I’ve ever made to stop being emotionally triggered and to feel a deep sense of inner peace and happiness.
And, honestly, I’m not perfect. I’ve stopped the habit myself, more than once… and I notice a difference that doesn’t serve me when I do. So, consistency is key.
If you’d rather take a step that doesn’t require that commitment to consistent action, I have a gift that will help you get a better picture of your vision. Maybe this will ultimately give you the motivation to commit to the daily habit. One step at a time IS progress, so I encourage you to take a step.
Imagine, if in just a few weeks… Your self worth is through the roof!!!
You start waking up feeling happy, every day, for no reason at all. You look in the mirror and smile, thinking to yourself… dang, girl, you are gorgeous & I love you. Maybe you even say it out loud!
You have a sense of purpose and you’re actually excited to get up and get your day started.
You feel a strange, yet lovely sense of calm when someone says something that used to trigger your emotions and upset you.
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