woman preparing for climbing high on wall

Be Courageous or Build Confidence?

Do you think it is more important to be courageous or to have confidence?

Well, to be honest, that’s kind of a trick question. Because, in order to build confidence, you have to first be courageous.

You see, confidence is having certainty that something will work out as planned, usually based on past experience. So, if you haven’t actually done a certain thing yet, then you aren’t going to have certainty that you can. In other words, you’ll need to go into it without being certain. Courage is when you face a fear, without that certainty you’ll be successful. So, that means one of the first steps to building confidence is to be courageous.

definition of courage:  mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear or difficulty.  Be courageous.
Merriam-Webster definition of courage.

Why Does It Matter

Unfortunately, most people don’t really love themselves. They have spent their whole life looking at the outside world, wondering what others think of them and doing all they can to make sure all those others think good of them. So much so, they ignore how they truly feel about themselves.

One of the most courageous things you can do is look within to start solving your external challenges.

So, be courageous and ask yourself some questions to reflect on what’s really getting in your way.

Do you ever feel like you are not good enough? That you don’t deserve? That you are not valuable?

There’s no judgment here. Only honest truth. Because, the only way to get to the bottom of a problem and ultimately, to solve it, is with honest truth. Your feelings are your feelings. If you stuff them down, they still exist and they’ll poison you from the inside out. If you acknowledge them, accept them and feel them, then you can actually let them out and move past them.

So, when I said there’s no judgment, what I really mean is there’s no shame and no guilt. You actually DO want to ‘judge’ your feelings… At least in terms of whether they are working for you or working against you. Of course, if something comes up in connection with feeling unworthy or something you know is holding you back in part of your life, you know it’s working against you. In that case, you want to let it go.

In summary, here are the steps:

  • Be Honest
  • Acknowledge the feeling
  • Accept the feeling, without judgment (in terms of shame or guilt)… if you do feel shame or guilt, go back & do this process for those feelings.
  • Feel the feeling… feel it deeply and completely… dive into it head first and keep feeling the feeling until you find yourself coming out on the other side.
  • Take a deep breath and let every last bit of that feeling go.

Those steps are a simple summary of an extremely powerful exercise I’ve personally used to heal from past trauma that triggered intense feelings of self doubt and emotions that were not serving me. Also, it got me past having thoughts that were keeping me stuck in feeling like a victim. In fact, I recall one instance of using this that seemed to work miraculously, in just a few minutes. And, a warning, I did lock myself in the bathroom crying to do it.

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